Running

On December 13, I did something crazy. I completed my first marathon. It was one of the most breath-taking experiences of my life. Nine months of preparation leading up to this race had me feeling a lot like I was about to deliver my first child. My experience was hard, really hard. But something tells me I would opt for another marathon before I would tackle child birth.

I wish that I could say those nine months of training completely prepared me for the race, but that wouldn’t be true. My goal finishing time was 4.5 hours. I configured this time based on past long run split mile times and added time in case I needed to stop to use the restroom or drink water. You can imagine the disappointment I felt when my finishing time was a whole hour slower than my goal. But, I learned a lot of valuable lessons  that day. First, I learned that if there was any inkling in my mind that I was completing this race through my own will, I was wrong. There is no way I can take any credit for what happened out there on the Boulder City/Hoover Dam course.

The morning of the race I noticed that my stomach was feeling like a million butterflies were fluttering around, attempting to escape through any means necessary. This physiological response was not new to me. Growing up, I participated in track and field as well as cross country at my high school. Stepping onto the starting line prior to a race had always been a nerve wrecking, gut wrenching experience for me. I think that there are so many “unknowns” to account for when you are racing, that a Type A personality like me, who doesn’t easily embrace change or required adjustments, feels anxiety and doesn’t know how to handle it. That’s exactly how I felt when I approached the starting line this time. Like adrenaline was a shooting through all of my extremities and I was going to spontaneously combust.

I can’t imagine what my race would have looked like if I did not have the support of my family, who flew in from California just to watch me race. I think God provided angels through my family members to watch over me, make sure I wasn’t going to have a panic attack, that I ate/drank properly prior to the race, and to ensure all of the funny intricacies that come along with spectating at any running events were met (such as coloring a fabulous poster of the course and writing the runner’s name in huge neon letters, whistling with both pinky fingers at that certain pitch, and getting other spectators to cheer you on as well). My in laws as well as brother and sister in law also joined along the family spectator crowd. I can’t explain to you how good it felt to have a group of people cheering you on as you approached mile 23. They carried me through the last 3 excruciating miles of the race.

It is so bizarre and unexpected to me that the day after the race I would not be in more physical pain. Apparently, if my nine months of training prepared me for anything, I can say that it prepared my legs/joints for such a grueling experience. My race pace was hindered by my stomach issues. I had to stop several times and walk or sit because I thought I was going to vomit. I could have never expected this to be the reason that I had to “hold back” during a race. I had visions prior to my race that I was going to be very tired and if there was any reason I needed to stop it would be to catch my breath, but then I would continue right on again. This is where I can say with 100% conviction that God carried me through this race and there is no way I could have done it without Him.

The week leading up to the race was a trial in its own right. I was informed that back surgery was scheduled for my brother five days prior to my race. I was heartbroken for him. The decision for surgery was made in haste and my parents did not agree on the terms- such as where, when, and who would be present. I felt an immense amount of pressure to assist with Thomas as my mom was not able to change her already scheduled flight to Las Vegas. Our family was split based on this painful but seemingly necessary decision.

 I made two trips daily to visit my brother while he was in the hospital- before and after work. I awoke early to prepare for the trek out to spend time with him.  I stayed late not wanting my brother to be alone and knowing that my dad was tired and should go home to rest himself. The hospital was 45 minutes from my house, but luckily it was very close to my work. Seeing my brother in such pain was heart wrenching. I cried the first time I walked into his hospital room and saw him so dull and exhausted. He had tubes in his mouth and needles coming out of his neck. I am so thankful that he had professionals that truly cared and listened to him. For the first time in my life I witnessed my dad presume the position of a servant. He helped my brother in and out of bed, bathed him, wiped him, fed him, and ensured he was getting the best care possible.

When mom flew into town she couldn’t wait to spend time nursing Thomas back to health. She took every opportunity to pamper and feed him, making her famous enchiladas and a few other meals that Thomas requested. I can’t imagine the positon she was caught in- having her twins in what couldn’t have been more different circumstances. Me, preparing and training to run 26.2 miles all at the same time, and my twin brother stuck in a hospital bed unable to move without the assistance of another person. Ironic. I never felt neglected or like my mom was preoccupied with Thomas that week. She treated and pampered me too, which I know was not easy.

The days leading up to the race were busy with life, hosting the South East Las Vegas Young Life Leader Christmas Party at our home the same day of my brother’s surgery,  excitement at work for our Staff Retreat, and anxiety for the race that was to come. At this point I was ready for Saturday to just “get here.” I was also getting very sick of eating pasta. It seemed liked carb loading was growing old and plain. I was craving any food besides pasta, but knew this would help fuel me.

The morning of the race I awoke around 5:30am with a grumbling stomach. Uh oh.  My alarm was set for 6am and I was very concerned with getting enough rest. I knew that in a few hours I would be well on my way to a 4.5 hour run. I decided to take Immodium to pacify the grumbles. I attributed my stomach pains to anxiety. Luckily any symptoms I had quickly went away, but the butterflies remained. I decided to start getting ready for the BIG DAY and woke up the rest of the house with my excitement. I went through my mental checklist and was sure to grab everything I might need (much of which was placed in a back pack and was never used) and ate a small piece of baguette with peanut butter, before heading out the door.

The drive into Boulder City was beautiful. My mom, sister, and stepdad all crammed into our “Little Red Bean” with Max and me. My mom had to pat my leg and assure me over and over that I was going to be okay and that I was the strongest person she knew and she had no doubts at all that I would finish. I can’t tell you how useful those validations were to me in the midst of my run. Your mind does something tricky in the middle of a long run like that. You go into it thinking that all of the effort and time and preparation you put into training would finally pay off. Then, doubt sets in. You question your abilities, your motives, and your worth. You wonder if you really are good enough or strong enough. If you really can pull this thing off. If God really wanted you to pursue this “desire of your heart” or whether your actions were reflecting selfishness and pride based on something you would tell yourself I did on my own. This doubt had me question whether or not I should stop running after the first 13.1. Max joked that had someone pulled up to him in a car at that point in the race and asked if he wanted a ride to the finish line he would have taken them up on the offer. I have to tell you I am 100% thankful no one pulled up in a car next to me, because I know I would have struggled to turn down their offer too.

I had to talk to God a lot during the race. I pleaded with Him to help my stomach stop hurting and for energy and strength to make it through. I told Him that I knew he had equipped me with strength and power from his Holy Spirit. Self-talk was so crucial to me being able to finish the race. It broke up the quiet whispers that trickled in telling me that I wasn’t good enough. I am so thankful for a God that sends me reassurances when I am stuck in the “quick sand.”

 God also surrounded me with His beauty on this day. I ran next to the most beautiful lake and sky I have ever seen in Nevada. The air was very crisp on this day. The sun hid behind clouds for the majority of the day and I didn’t even need my sunglasses. A few rain drops were felt but I would say the 45-50 degree weather conditions were perfect.  For the first 7 miles I ran next to a young man that was keeping a fairly similar pace to what I was comfortable with. I even got to a comfortable sprint while jamming out to “Bang Bang” by Iggy Azalea. Sometime after two terrible hills and two sets on awful stairs I told him that he could pass me if he wanted (passing was strictly prohibited at this point because the stairs were no steep and narrow). He graciously accepted and passed me up.  It was also around this time that I ran past Max going the opposite direction that I was (he had started the half marathon an hour after I did). Seeing him was good for my soul. I was so excited that I shouted to him and jumped up to kiss him all, without stopping to run.

I got very tired after this point and nausea set in. I had to stop several times and make sure I was staying hydrated. I wished there were more familiar options to me at the refreshment tables. I had grown accustomed to eating trail mix and bananas on my long runs and presumed these options were to be available for him. Knowing what I know now, I would have come more prepared and brought these with me. Luckily, water and energy gels seemed to keep me going in the meantime, but just barely. At about the 4 hour mark, I stopped to text Max that I was feeling extremely nauseous and I had to stop and walk. I was extremely disappointed with myself at this point after realizing that my 4.5 finish time would not be happening.

The last six miles were complete torture- starting and stopping, starting and stopping. This should have been the place where I was most comfortable as it was all downhill and the finish line was in sight. However, I was tired and just wanted a nap. I will never forget how great I felt at this mile marker when I heard my mom whistling and saw my whole family holding up signs and cheering me on. They even made friends with the volunteers at the refreshment tables and even got them and nearby runners to cheer me on. I needed that so badly. I decided that I would try my best to finish without stopping.

The next three miles were completed without stopping. However, by the time I got to mile 23 I was in a weird place- mentally and physically. The adrenaline had worn off and as I looked around I was mainly alone, with the exception of a big man in front of me. My family had driven down the hill to catch up with me at this point and it was here that I was barely maintaining a shuffle. I told them, “I just want to be done,” and knew that if they weren’t within sight of me I would be walking. Only 3.2 left I told myself. As soon as they were out of sight I did stop and walk. At the very last mile marker, the volunteers could tell that I was so defeated that they did not say much besides You can do it 714. Only .8 mile left after this. What would have been an encouragement to me came across as condescending and hurtful. I heard family members laughing about something at this point and felt like they were jeering at me and how long I had taken to finish. It’s funny how insecure you become when you reach exhaustion.

With less than .2 left until the finish line I decided I had enough left in me to pick up my legs and run the rest out. It felt incredible crossing the finish line with my family cheering my name and my mom and Max waiting with their arms open. I ran into my mom’s arms and felt Max kiss my face. Boy, did it feel good to be done! I ended up finishing 4th in my age group. At some point someone put a medal around my neck and I sprawled out across the cold side walk- ahhhh. My mother in law, Jill, gave me water and an apple sauce and both never tasted so good in my life. Next, the Almond Champagne that I just had to have (but could barely force down) and the Asian out-of-towners that cheered and drank with us, followed by a slow walk back to the car to venture out for a BIG, UNHEALTHY lunch. I could only finish half of my Coney Dog but it was delicious.

I was so proud of Max for running just three minutes slower than his first half marathon considering this course was killer! He was such a trooper that he even managed to work a full shift at Texas de Brazil the same day. Mom called him her “Champion” for the rest of her trip. I enjoyed a nice, long soak in an Epsom salt bath followed by a head massage from my sister. My stomach was still a little queasy at this point so I decided that I could stomach a piece of blackberry pie for dinner. I awoke around 11pm to stomach grumbling and Max coming home. This time the grumbles signaled that I was starving! I had to get out of bed and make myself a full plate of spaghetti and bread. My day started and ended with a grumbling stomach. My goal is to set aside this physiological response and run another marathon without nausea in the future. And maybe a course without hills. Mom says I’m crazy.

You know what...

I have to say today is a great day!

I am utterly grateful to have been woken up (if you know me I would NEVER usually say that) to my husband asking me what I did to our kitchen table? He stared at me puzzled as if to suggest that I ruined our wooden table (...again. I did it last week...long story) So needless to say, I abruptly woke up and declared, "no!" in a groggy, post-sickly voice, and went back to sleeping.

This obviously was a trick.

Max again awoke me, and said he really wanted me to get up a take a look at the table. At this, I got out of bed and found the most beautiful white lillies and tulips, along with FOUR of the weirdest combination chocolates that I love.

I am so grateful that my husband knows me and respects me.

I want to make an argument that love and marriage are not for our own satisfaction or pleasure at all. I am pretty darn sure that marriage is a daily (and hard) representation of Christ's unfailing, unfaltering love for us. It was never meant to fulfill our every sexual or physical pleasure. It was meant to give us an example of no matter how often we screw up, sin, and do not live up to the expectations set before us; if we do it right, we should have partner who loves us unconditionally and forgives us always.
...and if we are lucky- the attraction, amazing chemistry, and those silly, giggly times that remind us of when we were little and just about peed our pants will be there along the way as bonuses.

Man am I lucky to have this kind of love. A love free of expectation, or staying a certain weight, or never making mistakes.

Cousinsgiving

Good afternoon lovelies...

I am so looking forward to some much needed time off this holiday season. I can't wait to get together with my family to cook, bake, sing, lounge, sleep, go for long luxurious CA runs, and snuggle with my siblings. This will be the first Thanksgiving since before I was married that I will get to spend with my family. My wonderful cousin, Betsey, has even started a tradition with the rest of the cousins- Our "Annual Cousin's Thanksgiving" in which all of our cousins get together and host our own version of Turkey Day. I'm very excited I get to be a part of the 2nd annual one!

Here's what I am planning to bring:

Spiced Bundt Cake with Apple Caramel Sauce



Ingredients:

Caramel sauce:

• 1 cup sugar
• Pinch of cream of tartar
• 1/4 cup fresh apple cider
• 1/4 cup heavy cream
• 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt

Cake:

• Nonstick vegetable oil spray
• 1 1/4 cups (2 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter
• 1 vanilla bean, split lengthwise
• 2 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/4 cups slivered almonds
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 2 teaspoons kosher salt
• 1 1/2 teaspoons freshly grated nutmeg
• 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon ground allspice
• 3/4 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
• 1 cup (packed) dark brown sugar
• 1 cup sugar
• 3/4 cup powdered sugar plus more
• 1 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest
• 3 large eggs
• 5 large egg yolks
• 1 cup whole milk

Prep:

For caramel sauce:
Combine sugar, cream of tartar, and 1/4 cup water in a medium saucepan over medium heat, stirring until sugar dissolves. Cook, without stirring and occasionally swirling pan for even cooking, until mixture turns a dark amber color. Remove from heat; slowly add apple cider, cream, vinegar, vanilla, and salt (mixture will bubble vigorously), whisking to combine. Return pan to medium heat and bring to a vigorous boil. Reduce heat to a simmer and cook, stirring to dissolve any caramel bits, for 1 minute. Remove from heat and let cool. Set aside. DO AHEAD: Caramel sauce can be made 1 week ahead. Cover and chill. Rewarm slightly before using.

For cake:
Arrange a rack in middle of oven and preheat to 350°F. Generously coat Bundt pan with nonstick spray. Place butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Scrape in seeds from vanilla bean; add bean. Cook, stirring often, until butter foams, then browns (do not burn), about 5 minutes. Carefully remove vanilla bean; pour brown butter into a medium bowl and chill until slightly firm, about 45 minutes.

Pulse flour and almonds in a food processor until almonds are finely ground. Transfer to a large bowl. Whisk in baking powder and next 7 ingredients; set aside.

Using an electric mixer on medium speed, beat brown butter, brown sugar, sugar, and 3/4 cup powdered sugar in a large bowl, frequently scraping down sides and bottom of bowl and beaters, until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes. Mix in lemon zest. Add eggs and yolks one at a time, beating to blend between additions; beat mixture until fluffy, about 3 minutes.

Reduce speed to low. Add half of dry ingredients; mix until almost blended. Add milk and mix until almost blended. Add remaining dry ingredients; mix until batter is blended and smooth. Scrape into prepared pan. Tap pan gently on counter to even out.

Bake until a tester inserted near the center of cake comes out clean and cake is dark golden brown and has begun pulling from sides of pan, 65-70 minutes.

Transfer pan to a wire rack. Let cake cool in pan for 25 minutes. Invert cake onto rack and let cool completely, about 1 hour. DO AHEAD: Cake can be made 2 days ahead. Store airtight at room temperature.

Dust cake lightly with powdered sugar. Drizzle caramel sauce over cake, allowing it to drip down sides and into grooves and crevices. Serve remaining sauce alongside.

and Brussels Sprouts with Shallots and Salt Pork

• 1 cup 1/4" cubes salt pork or pancetta (about 8 ounces)
• 2 large shallots, peeled, quartered (about 1 1/2 cups)
• Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 1 1/2 pounds brussels sprouts, outer leaves removed, trimmed, halved
• 1-2 tablespoons juice from jarred dill pickles

Prep:

Blanch salt pork in a large saucepan of boiling water for 1 minute. Using a slotted spoon, transfer salt pork to a paper towel- lined plate to drain. Set aside. DO AHEAD: Salt pork can be blanched 1 day ahead. Cover and chill.

Cook salt pork in a large heavy skillet over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until about 3/4 cup fat is rendered, 10-12 minutes. Carefully strain drippings into a small bowl; return 2 tablespoons drippings and pork to pan.

Increase heat to medium-high and cook, stirring occasionally, until salt pork is browned and crisp, 5-6 minutes. Transfer to paper towels to drain.

Reduce heat to medium. Add 2 tablespoons drippings to skillet; add shallots, cut sides down. Cook, turning once or twice, until tender and browned, 10-12 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Transfer shallots to a serving platter.

Increase heat to medium-high. Add 2 tablespoons more salt pork drippings to skillet. Working in 2 batches and adding 2 more tablespoons drippings between batches, cook brussels sprouts, turning occasionally, until tender and browned. Transfer brussels sprouts to platter with shallots. DO AHEAD: Shallots and brussels sprouts can be made 1 hour ahead. Let stand at room temperature. Rewarm shallots and brussels sprouts together in same skillet over medium heat before continuing.

Drizzle shallots and brussels sprouts with 1 tablespoon pickle juice. Season to taste with salt and pepper and 1 tablespoon more pickle juice, if desired. Scatter salt pork over.

Are you planning on cooking for Thanksgiving?


Adieu

Year Two...

My hubby and I recently celebrated our second anniversary! We had such a great time with each other. It sounds so silly, but the highlight of my day was my husband gently shaking me awake at 5 am to wish me a "Happy Anniversary" and to tell me all of the reasons he is thankful to have me as his wife. GAH! I'm rarely so surprised I am unable to formulate words, but this was the most recent time.

We went out to dinner at Fleur in Mandalay Bay. The food was IN-CREDIBLE! We shared:

Short ribs cooked in Guinness with a side of poleta
The most amazing Thai, lemongrass, coconut CRAY-CRAY rock shrimp dish!
Scallops
And I finished the meal up with a small espresso


 We had a great time getting dressed up and cruising up and down the strip. I love that our anniversary is right in the middle of Fall and Halloween. We always see crazy, beautiful decorations/people wandering around when we go out.

I am so grateful for the husband I have been blessed with. He keeps me level headed (because I'm a nut job!), is the most consistent person I have ever met in my entire life, is dependable, is romantic when I need him to be, and pushes me to be better. I definitely got the better end of the deal.

Outside of the Bellagio Gardens that are decorated for Autumn

 

 

 

Cute pumpkins and gourds amongst flowers

 

CRAZY talking tree...reminds me of Pocahontas

 

80 pound pumpkin!

 

Cornucopia

 

 

I am so excited to see what the future holds for the two of us. Thank you for allowing me to share my date night with you :)

Hi friends~

Hope you are enjoying the end of summer. I have had many great experiences recently. SO many weddings coming up! My favorite experience this month was being a bridesmaid for my sister Christina's wedding last week. She looked absolutely stunning. Her gorgeous white gown with lace sleeves and a lace back made her look like a princess. That was the happiest I have seen her and I know her future will be full of joy and peace with such a great hubby by her side.

My mom is getting re-married next month so I have another excuse to visit my fam in CA=] It is always hard to leave them. The trips there are always too short. It makes me sad that I don't have them nearby just to stop by for a quick meal or get a hug when I really need one. I am realizing the benefits of socializing more than ever with this new job. And I have to admit I just don't do well when I am alone. I am thankful for the accountability I get from God and my husband, although it would be nice to have some girlfiends that lived nearby. Last week when mom and I were chatting she asked me what the hardest part of marriage was. I answered that overall it was great, but when I am my innate selfish self and think I can do everything on my own or don't need to answer to anyone I end up falling flat on my face. Santification hurts but I am so glad I serve a God that desires growth from me and does not turn His face from me when I am being a butt.

I got my bridesmaid dress for my besties wedding. Want a peek?

 The color is sage and beige. I'm planning on wearing some nude pumps. I love the color choices Julie & Jason decided on : (Navy & Sage)


My friends weddings are such a great reminder of how it felt on my wedding day. I was reminded of the vows I promised Max and how I have done a pretty good job keeping them and vice versa. I think we are a perfect match. He's my best bud!

In other news, I have been SUCH a slacker in the kitchen lately... I have been spending most of my down time (which is not a lot) sleeping or getting ready for our upcoming trips. My goal for this weekend is to attempt to make a White Cheddar Souffle. Anyone have success with a souffle before? Or completely fail and want to give me tips on what not to do lol?


Au revoir!

Update

Bonjour chickadees,

I haven't been on here for a loooong time...forgive me. I do not know how people have time to blog or keep up with social media everyday...i just don't have the time!

Update:

I love, love my job. Working with my foster kiddos is going so great. I have had a few kids get reunified with their biological parents and am in the process of trying to get some of the other little pumpkins adopted. This job is no good for my maternal instincts- they are being kicked into full gear and I want to adopt like 50 kids...thats possible right?

Max and I are doing great =] The new job kinda put a damper on us being able to vacation anywhere but we are going to CA and UT this month for a few short trips. I can't wait until I am able to take a vacation with him. I am really in need of a 2nd honeymoon (if you know what I'm sayin'!) I miss lounging in bed all day long, drinking fruity drinks by the pool, eating way too much, and dancing the nights away! I am so grateful for how receptive he is to my advice and how he challenges me to do the same. Almost two years into it I can say marriage is hard work but we try dearly to look out for each other and are the best of friends. He would do anything to make me happy.

My big sister is getting MARRIED in two weeks! And my mom next month! I'm so excited for them. They deserves it. I can not wait to see them walk down the aisle. They are going to look SO crazy beautiful!

MY BEST FRIEND just got engaged. This is a huge deal. Julie has always been one of the best planners I know (Student Council VIP) and I am getting so excited for all of the ideas she is coming up with for her big day. It is going to be one of the most fun, chill, and unique weddings I have ever been at. I can't wait to be her M.O.H. =]

Young Life is going good. I am coming up on my 6th year leading...wow. I am praying for lots of non-Christian teens to be introduced to me and hopefully meet Jesus this upcoming year. I have a few senior girls this year that I am so close to. I can't even think about them graduating or I will lose it! How am I ever supposed to be a mom is I can't let go of my Young Life girls?? I'm pathetic.

The Olympics are really inspiring me to run...I'm seriously thinking about doing this little race. Hopefully it won't inflict any psychological damage on me.

That's it for now..I have to make dinner.


Ciao bella!

New job

I am feeling extremely blessed lately. I have landed the most incredible job. I am working at a foster care agency here in Las Vegas doing social work. Looking around at the people that I am working with, I feel like I do not deserve this job. Some new employees have told me that they have been waiting for years to land a full time job like this that offers great benefits and is impacting children in the foster care system. Hearing the kinds of trauma these kids are going through often leaves my heart hurting and my eyes teary. For some reason that was in His plan. But, do you know what I do when I hear about a new kid? I immediately start praying for them. I pray that God would give them a sense of permanency, a home in which they feel so loved, and a family that is so gracious and kind they wonder why.

Although the work I will be doing will often be daunting, I think the reward is going to be more prevalent in my life. It has been my dream to work with abused children for sometime now. We are not all offered a wonderful upbringing in a safe and peaceful home. Most of the kids I am working with have been abused and will have some kind of clinical diagnosis. This just makes me want to love them all the more. I can't wait to see what God has in store for these little hearts. I just know He has mighty plans to heal them.